Chasing perfection is like trying to fill a bucket full of holes. It doesn’t matter how much water you pour in; it never feels enough. Perfection doesn’t exist, yet we exhaust ourselves trying to reach it.

We’re trying to fill an emotional void with something intangible, something that can never truly satisfy. Perfectionism is an ideal that can never be reached. In that endless pursuit, we often end up resenting ourselves and those around us.

"Perfect" is just a word we’ve assigned meaning to. But it is the one we endlessly pursue. Perfection is infinite; it shifts and moves the moment we get close. We’ll never truly arrive at the door of perfectionism, because it doesn’t exist outside of our minds.

So tell me: how would you define perfect?

Perfectionism paves the way for us to cope with not being enough. That gnawing feeling that drives us to overcommit, to say yes when we mean no, and to bend ourselves into the “good one” to be the one who never disappoints. We go out of our way to be what we think others want, hoping it will finally quiet that inner voice that says, “You’re not enough.”

We alter our appearance, adjust our tone, and contort ourselves emotionally, twisting into the shape of who we think we should be. All in the desperate hope that, if we get it right, we’ll finally be accepted. Finally, be loved. We cling to those expectations like armour. As long as we live up to them, we believe we’re worthy. But it’s exhausting.

If I am perfect, I will be lovable—yeah, right. Aren’t you tired yet?

We carry expectations about who we should be for others, moulding ourselves into what we imagine they want or need. But really, it’s not about them. It’s about who we believe we have to be to feel loved, accepted, or safe.

Perfectionism isn’t something you choose. It’s something life taught you. It protects you from the shame and pain of feeling not good enough. Being ‘perfect’ kept you safe once. But now, it’s just keeping you stuck in a cycle of shame.

Beneath perfectionism lies shame. It is the quiet passenger we carry with us. We chase the illusion of the perfect self, not because we believe it will bring peace, but because it helps silence the shame and self-judgment that lurk beneath. The pursuit of perfection is a protective shield, not a solution.

Shame is an intensely painful experience; it is the belief that we are flawed and, as a result, unworthy of love and belonging. Unlike guilt, which focuses on feeling bad about something we’ve done, shame attacks our very sense of self, making us believe “I am bad.” Shame is processed in the same part of the brain as physical pain. When shame is triggered, the anterior cingulate cortex and insula become activated, as if it is a threat to survival.

Shame thrives in secrecy and silence, and only when it is spoken and met with kindness can it loosen its grip. Perfectionism is a defence mechanism; it is a way to avoid shame, giving it a reason never to appear. If we embrace perfection, we never have to feel shame.

We wear a mask of people-pleasing, shaping ourselves into what we think others want; it’s a profoundly human pattern. When we feel the pressure, the shame, and a sense of not being enough, we lose ourselves, quietly abandoning our own needs for self-care and self-love. And instead of saying, “Fuck it, I’m done chasing perfection,” we often say, “I just wasn’t perfect enough… I’ll try harder next time.”

Sound familiar?

This cycle keeps us stuck—striving, performing, and overthinking—hoping that if we get it right, we’ll finally feel worthy. But the truth is, perfection won’t earn you the love you’re craving. It won’t give you the acceptance, and it won’t heal the shame.

We often try to comfort ourselves with phrases like, “I am enough,” or “I am lovable, even if I’m imperfect.” But even that carries a flawed premise; if perfection doesn’t truly exist, then neither does imperfection. There just is. You are who you are.

Real emotional and mental growth begins not with striving to fix or improve, but with accepting what already is. It is with meeting yourself without judgment and healing the shame that binds you.

Love and acceptance start with you. The moment you begin to honour your own needs, even slightly, is the moment you start stepping out of the trap of perfectionism. It’s not about giving up, it’s about giving back to yourself.

Warmly

Faraday X

The pursuit of perfectionism is never-ending!

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